39-year-old amateur athlete confronts wife after she refuses to keep raising their three kids alone while he trains: ‘I really feel like a single mom’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jun 18, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Having kids and maintaining your hobbies is a challenge most people are not ready for once they become parents. Even though every parent you've ever met will warn you that having kids changes your entire life, and that you will never have a moment to yourself until they turn 18, you still don't quite believe it. You still hold on to the hope that for you it will be different, you will find a way to balance between the two.

Some parents actually do manage to hold on to their hobbies, even while having little toddlers running around between their feet. It takes a lot of planning, a ton of self-will, and an enormous amount of support from their spouse, but it can be done. You can engage in your hobbies after your kids go to sleep, or multitask as you cook their lunches, or even have them take part in your hobbies and make it a shared experience. The possibilities are endless, and one should never give up hope.

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  • What one shouldn't do is whatever the husband in the story below attempted. His hobby is sports, and he loves it. He also has a wife and three kids, but he struggles with prioritising them over his love for athletics.

    One day, his wife grew tired of raising their children alone and decided to set an ultimatum – either lay back on training, or I will leave…

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    Cheezburger Image 10515881472
    via Syda Productions

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I (37f) gave my husband (39m) an ultimatum about his hobby. How do we move forward?

    Spouse and I have been married 15 years and we have three kids under 10. We've both always been into fitness, but my husband is
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    always looking for ways to do more. Last year he trained for, and completed, his first triathlon. We were all pretty proud of him and glad he had the
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    experience, but the training really kind of s ked for us at home. He spent over three months working out nearly every day; it was incredibly time consuming. He'd spend
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    hours a day. For example, some days he'd work his job and then come home and do a 3 hour bike ride or run. There were many days when he flat out didn't see our kids
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    at all and I really felt like a single mom. About a month after his triathlon he starting talking about how he wanted to do
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    another right away. I immediately asked him what his plans were for triathlons and he said that he'd like to do them continuously throughout the year. I told
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    him that if that was the case, that I really didn't think I could do that and that it might be best if we part ways. He was incredibly upset and indignant- told me I was
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    unsupportive and trying to sabotage him. He said it was unfair to make that demand- that if I was dating someone I would never ask them to quit their hobby. And he's
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    right- I wouldn't but I would still absolutely peace out because their hobby is incompatible with the life I'm looking for.
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    Cheezburger Image 10515907584
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I didn't really feel like I was even making a demand... I was just stating a fact that it was really hard to support the family alone while he trained and that I couldn't
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    see myself doing it forever if he wanted to become a triathlete. Even though it was "unsupportive" on paper, I feel like the most supportive thing I can do in this
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    situation is to step away and let him do what he wants and chase his dreams. He eventually agreed to drop the triathlons because we're the "most important thing"
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    to him... but it's been months and he still finds ways to make snide comments about it or will bring it up out of the blue if we argue. I can't tell if he's just feeling
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    resentful or if he's trying to get me to feel bad and change my mind about it. At any rate, I still feel the same way and there's no chance I'm going to change my mind. How do we move forward from this?
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    Ok Tennis_6564 I have two kids and I get where you are coming from. I think the other commenters here don't understand how difficult it is to handle kids solo. My husband also has a fitness
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    related hobby. 90% of his training occurs when the kids are sleeping. He also doesn't get to be tired in the morning, because he made a choice to sacrifice relaxing and sleep time for training, not me.
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    It's great he has a hobby, but when you have a family, the hobby can't be "the most important thing" to you. Your family is supposed to be the most important thing. Tell him to
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    come up with a plan that lets him train and still be a present father and husband. And if he can't, he should explain to his kids he's choosing triathlons over them. Not actually, I don't
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    support that at all. But if he's not willing to tell his kids that, why is he willing to send that message with his actions?
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    Ok-Willow-9145 This man has three children under 10. The only reason he was able to train like a single man was because you shouldered 100% of every responsibility except his job.
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    Now, he's sulking like a teenager. He needs to grow up and decide if he wants to be a married father or not.
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    DuePromotion287 Balance and responsibilities are part of being an adult and a partner. He is failing in those categories.
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    DrPhysicsGirl I don't understand why he can't do something a bit lower key while you have young children. For instance running 10Ks requires some training, has a competitive aspect, but won't need 3. hour long runs/bikes/etc.
    via DrPhysicsGirl

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